Crazy past few months!!!

So, these past few months have been crazy! I don't know how many people have found me on here yet and how many of them spy on me by secretly following my blog, so I can't be too personal on here and share all of my dirty, little secrets. It will suffice to say that I am much, much happier than I have been in the last several decades of my life! I have people, friends, that I know love me and accept me and that would make anyone feel special. I once saw a quote that speaks to me- "It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not." Isn't that so great?! I mean, so simple and honest, yet so complex and deep! It was a French guy that said it though, so... But, I digress. Well, really I can't think of anything else to say, so I guess I'm done actually.

SICK!!!

I hate being sick! I mean, I don't mind the days off of work, but more than that and I get bored. Not to mention the whole "being sick" part... I slept a lot of the day, watched some T.V. made some food (hotdogs for breakfast because it's fast and I was hungry and ramen for lunch because it is pretty fast too and the broth was warm and good). I wrote some emails and goofed around on Facebook a bit too. Talked to a friend on the phone, oh, and did some laundry because I was wearing my last pair of undies and had to resort to wearing an undershirt because I didn't have any real shirts to wear. Now I have to see what I can find for dinner then be up for a while and then take some NyQuil and go to bed. It will be good to get back to work tomorrow. I feel bad because, like, 8 people called in sick today and so they were way under staffed and way busy. Anyway...off to find food. Toodles!

Bored and tired, but not.

OK, so I have been trying to write in my journal more; not necessarily to keep a history of my life and events, but writing down my thoughts (or typing them) helps me focus, reflect, prioritize and assess my life.
You know, sometimes there are things that I miss about CA. I mean, in some ways I still consider it my home, but I actually start to miss UT if I'm gone for more than a few days. I will always have fond memories of CA, but there were also things that made me want to leave it and my family and friends. I didn't associate too much with any of the friends I had before and I think my family saw that I wasn't happy in CA; I was kind of in a rut and my life was stagnant. There are so many friends that I have and love in CA. If you are wondering if I'm talking about you or not just know that if I would spend more than an hour with you of my own free will you are my friend and I love you in some way or another.
Wow, sleep hit me pretty quick! I'm hitting the hay. Hey!

Sad, sad, sad, sad. Why must I be sad?

Why is it that I hardly ever feel in the writing mood when things are going good for me or when I am happy? I only write when I am sad, hurt, mad, angry. There is a continuing joke with one of my friends at work. He once said that I was "abrasive", so now anytime I (or anyone else for that matter) get ornery or mean either he or I make a joke about being "abrasive", then we both have a good laugh. I guess that things aren't really going that bad for me now that I think about it. I just tend to focus on the negative and inoptimal. I don't think that that makes me a bad person. I mean, it might make me less enjoyable to associate with, but that is different. I do try to be happy and most of the time I am- on the outside anyway. But, isn't it better to put on a big show than to draw everyone's attention to you by acting the way you feel? Abraham Lincoln once said, "If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth." I am not that bad, but in moments of deep contemplation I do feel somewhat melancholy. I wish that I could tell people everything about me, but, alas, I cannot. I do not want to be that vulnerable. I think I would be judged left and right and that it would definitely have a negative effect on me. I do know, however, that I could tell my closest friends and loved ones everything about me and they would still love me because the things that I would tell them wouldn't change who I am. I would still be the same Blake I was before I poured my heart out to them and that is somewhat comforting...

recent activites

So, lately my personal life has been a bit...complicated, trying, confusing...hard. I try to be the happy guy and wear a nice smile, but recently it has been a bit of a facade. I have had a few good friends that have helped me out though. I had a friend at work go out of his way and past his responsibilities to let me know that he cares about me and would be there for me. I have another friend that I spoke to last night for about 2 hours who went so far as to try to find online resources to help me out. One other friend (whom I also spoke to last night) gave me some great advice even though we don't really know each other that well. I don't often like to get all religious, but I think that, since God isn't going to come down himself to answer our questions or help us, he puts special people in our lives to act in his behalf. I guess that sometimes I forget that God knows me and loves me and I start to get mad at him, but he eventually comes through for me and then I feel bad. I hope that He realizes that, with our simple, human minds, we don't have the insight and foresight that makes him a god. Either that or I'm definitely going to Hell...

my playlist