Monday, May 31, 2010

Better? Better!

I know that I usually write my blogs on Saturday, but this weekend was a bit more busy than normal. I went hiking with my friend Shane on Saturday and Sunday, I had to take my car in to get fixed (the break lights wouldn't turn off), I had dinner with Jesse on Sunday, I talked to my baby both days too (on Saturday we talked for 4 and a half hours! It was so fantastic! And I think it really was a great experience for both of us and a real turning point in our relationship while he's been away. I think it helped us feel much closer to each other despite our separation), I had lunch with Shane after hiking on Sunday too, and, then today, I had to wake up early to take Shane to the airport (I get to pick him up next Saturday too...). So, as you can see, I had a very busy weekend. Plus, throw in homework and that is even more!
Things are getting better with me and my boyfriend as far as missing each other and being able to deal with it. Really, though, I am the one who has been having the more difficult time dealing with his absence. I just love him and miss him and want to be with him again so much that it is hard to distract myself from thoughts of him! "I see your face in every flower. Your eyes in the stars above. It's just the thought of you, the very thought of you, my love!" I hear a song and it reminds me of him. I see other couples holding hands or laughing together and it makes me wish I was with him. I just truly and absolutely yearn to be with him again! And can you blame me?! He is pretty damn cute! And cuddly and sexy and funny and all of those things that make someone desirable! I do get to see him in about a month though. I'll see him over the 4th of July weekend (I fly in June 30th and fly back out on July 5th), then I will see him again about a month after that, and then we come back to Utah and move into our new love nest the next weekend... Mmmm, sounds dreamy! I cannot wait for this summer to be over with! But, like I said, it is getting easier to be away from him. I still do have my times when I miss him so bad and I cry. However, it is not for as long as it used to be and my crying sessions are much fewer than before. So, for now, I wait and wish and pray for the time to go by quickly and then I will get to be in his warm, loving arms again :) I love you so much, baby!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Not getting any easier...but in ways it is...

So, me and my boyfriend have been having more arguments since he's been gone for the summer. Last week we had two and I think they might have both been about the same thing. The real reason we argue is because I miss him a lot (I mean, I really miss him a lot. Like, if it came down to visiting my family or him, I would definitely pick seeing him)! And I haven't figured out how to handle my aching heart yet, so I get frustrated and mad that he is gone and that I don't get to see him for so long and I am really just acting immature! But, I don't know what else to do! I don't want to be without him! I don't want to miss out on sharing all of the adventures he is having, hearing him laugh, seeing him smile, watching him sleep peacefully, waking up next to him and thinking how lucky I am to have found love and to have my love be someone who means the world to me. I miss all of that. I miss getting to hold him when he's had a bad day and having him hold me when I've had a bad day and just need to be held and comforted. I miss getting to run my fingers through his beautiful hair and kissing his neck. I miss having him give me that look when I've done something that he doesn't approve of. I miss grabbing his butt and tracing my finger along the edge of his lips and around his nose. I just miss everything about him... I miss everything that made me fall in love with him and I miss getting to tell him that I love him and seeing him smile. I miss you, honey, so very much :'(

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Another week...

So, another week has gone by and I am really liking my college classes! But, I am not really liking my work schedule: MW 11am-6pm with no lunch, TTh 7am-6pm with a lunch, and F 11am-5pm with no lunch. This way I can go to school and still work 40 hours a week, however it is not fun. They are not considadit at all! Shoot! (If you get it, you get it. If you don't, well, then you don't. "This is Tracy! I am on Cahuenga! OK?!"). I am learning a lot in my classes, though, and it is good to once again be using my brain for academic purposes. I am still deciding if I want to try to take an online math class (MathPass), but if I do it will probably be after I am done with my Interpersonal Relationships class. I just don't think that I can take on anymore learning while I'm working full-time! But, I have to take math because it is preventing me from taking some of the classes that I need to take for my major. There are still some classes that I can take that don't have any type of mathematical pre-requisite, but they are starting to get scarce, so I really need to hit the math after that class is over.

It has been 3 weeks since my lovely man has been away. 3 long and often sad weeks :'( I will hopefully be able to visit him next month though! Once again, after my Interpersonal Relationships class is over. I asked my Learning, Memory, and Cognition professor today if he would be OK with me missing a day and he is cool with it. I'm hoping to sell my trumpet to pay for my trip and my boyfriend said that later, if I want to get back into it, we can buy another one. As of right now, it just sits in my bedroom, so I am OK with selling it. I put it on KSL and I have already had 16 hits, so that's not so bad for having it online for only 1 day, right?

Besides that things are pretty boring. I go to work, I come home, I go to school, I do homework, I occasionally hang out with friends, but the thing I do most is miss my boyfriend because I do that when I'm doing all of the other things I mentioned, plus I do it when I'm not doing anything else. It is getting easier and having the prospect of visiting him next month helps me miss him less, but I still miss him terribly almost every moment when I'm a wake. I hope I get more used to him being gone soon...I love you, honey! I miss you so much!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Life is getting better...ish.

I noticed that my last blog entry was a week ago and I was thinking that I could handle doing weekly blog updates, so that is what I will plan to do :) My dearest has officially been gone for two weeks now and I think I am doing much better over-all. He has recently been telling me more that he misses me and loves me. Now, I have always known and remembered that me loves me, but a boyfriend likes to hear that he is missed once in a while! Especially, if he has had a hard time missing his most dearest and has let that dear person know that constantly without the same kind of emotional reciprocation...

I'm a little bit needy. I am a bit self-centered. I am a bit inconsiderate too. However, I am also giving, loving, thoughtful, caring. My boyfriend is the greatest gift I have received in this life! Every time I get to see him or talk to him I feel like I just won the lottery! It is important to me that my lover never forget how much he means to me, how much I love him, how much my life would suck without him.

This semester I am taking a class that will help me have a better relationship with him. My Psychology of Interpersonal Relationships class will give me the knowledge that I will need to have better communication with him and learn what skills are important to have a more fulfilling relationship with him! I want to live the rest of my life with him. And I want him to never have any reason to find happiness with anyone else! I want us to be happy together for the remainder of our days on this world. Love does not conquer all! That is a romantic lie! Relationships take work and I am willing to do whatever I need to do to insure our continued love and happiness! You can thank me later, honey :)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Looking Brighter

So, as you well know, my boyfriend is gone for the summer and I have been uber sad about it since the second he left! But, I got to talk to a friend last night and he helped me get some perspective on the situation. He asked if I would bring him home if it was my choice. Wow! I hate when people ask me questions like that! A part of me would want to bring him home, but the bigger part of me (no, not my gut!) would want him to stay out there and get the experience that he will surely get from this adventure! I know that this experience will be good for him and for his future. And, since I am part of his future, it will be good for me too :) Since talking to my friend I have had a much better outlook on this situation of separation. A week has already passed, so he will only be gone for another 14 weeks! Then we will get to spend a nice, little vacation in NYC! See the sights, watch Wicked, museums, architecture, The Big Apple! It will be a fun and joyous reunion!